Genetic Bewilderment: Is my child at risk?

 

Genetic Bewilderment… Is my child at risk?

 

Genetic Bewilderment (also called Genealogical Bewilderment) is a term used to describe problems with an individual’s own identity formation which can be caused by not knowing their biological parents or extended biologically related family. Adoptees, and DCP (Donor Conceived People conceived through Embryo adoption, Donor eggs, or donor sperm) are at the greatest risk of experiencing Genetic Bewilderment.

Support groups have formed with individuals growing up in in a family that is not genetically related to them. They have expressed discomfort and pain surrounding the lack of genetic mirrors during childhood and into adulthood. For those who look different from their raising family this can be concerning for them. The ever-familiar comments like, “you have your mothers smile” or “you get your exceptional musical talent from your dad’s side of the family” help individuals growing up in their DNA related family feel a sense of belonging, and this helps form our identity starting from a very young age. For many of us, this is a luxury we never realized we have.

Dip into the world of online social media groups in the donor conceived adult community and you will quickly learn about the damage caused by severing communication between an individual and their genetically related family members. For DCP (donor conceived people), it isn’t only about how they look but a more important part of who they are, their health history, and access to their roots.

When sitting at your doctor’s office and filling in the questionnaire, do you every question those sections asking if anyone in your family has and heart conditions, cancer, psychological illness or other serious conditions? Knowing this information about your own family health history can be crucial in your healthcare plan, something denied to those conceived through anonymous donation.

Many donor-conceived people expressed feeling” out of place” or “the black sheep” even though they had no idea they were donor conceived. Seeing and hearing we have things in common with those we love, and trust validates who we are as individuals and allows us to accept our weaknesses and faults. For those who do not have this advantage, those details can feed a feeling of failure and being lost as to who they are as an individual. Those in the groups who knew all along they were donor conceived and had the honesty and support of their raising parents seem to have had less of a hard time in general, but still are very vocal in raising awareness about the pain of not knowing their genetic roots.

As a member of the fertility industry and working with recipients of donor gametes, I often here about the grieving process recipient parents have to work through of not passing on their DNA to their child and moving on to gamete donation. Donor conceived people have the right to grieve this loss as well, shouldn’t they? We all need to remember that at the moment of conception, the story belongs to the child. The story of infertility is the parent story, the donor is the parent’s donor, not the resulting DCP. To that DCP, the recipient's donor is their biological parent.